The Amazing, Magnificent Human Body
I've been thinking a lot lately about the body. Throughout my life I've thought a lot about my body, as I'm sure many of us have. It would be impossible for us not to! But my thoughts lately have not been so much on my own body, but the body inside of my body. For those of you who don't know, I am 1. 26 weeks pregnant, 2. will not be pregnant much longer because 3. our baby is not going to survive. I'm planning at some point to write more about my actual feelings about this, but today I want to focus on the body.
A little over a month and a half ago, our doctor told us that our baby has a disease called arthrogryposis. (At least I'm calling it a disease....technically it's not called a "condition" because it is actually the result of a "condition". Though we may never know what that "condition" actually is.) Arthrogryposis means something to the effect of "multiple contracted joints". Without getting too technical, our baby is unable to move. While there are people who do survive with this disease, we were told that our baby's problems were so severe that the problem would likely be fatal. There were a few key things that we were told we would be looking for in follow up ultrasounds, specifically lung development. Last week we found out that her lungs had not continued to develop and in addition to that, she'd developed severe fetal hydrops (water retention) throughout her entire body, including the chambers that contain her lungs and heart. Basically, she is in the early stages of heart failure, with no chance of survival. I am currently going in for weekly fetal heart monitoring, and when we can no longer find a heart beat, I'll go in to the hospital for induced labor and delivery of our stillborn baby. Our doctor feels this process could begin any day, and will most likely not take longer than a month.
Throughout my pregnancy, our baby has maintained a strong heartbeat. While this is not usually thought of as amazing or remarkable, now that I know the condition her body is in, I am awed. Her entire body is failing around her and the only thing keeping her alive is her heart. Now her body has begun to take over and will eventually cause her heart to shut down. The heart is so amazing. Here is what Elder Russell M. Nelson, who as you may know was a gifted heart surgeon, says on the subject,
"A large portion of my life’s study and research has been focused on the jewel of the human heart—a pump so magnificent that its power is almost beyond our comprehension. To control the direction of flow of blood within it, there are four important valves, pliable as a parachute and delicate as a dainty silk scarf. They open and close over 100,000 times a day—over 36 million times a year. Yet, unless altered by disease, they are so rugged that they can stand this kind of wear seemingly indefinitely. No man-made material developed thus far can be flexed so frequently and for so long without breaking.
I've also been thinking about my own body. I've thought about the different stages I've (and probably many of us) have gone through as relating to my personal feelings about my body.
As a child, I thought only of my body when it was in pain-- scrapes, bumps, hunger, growth, sickness etc. My body did what it was supposed to, so there was no reason to think about it at any other time. As I moved into my teenage years, like most of us I began to resent my body. Why wasn't it better? Why wasn't it taller, thinner, prettier, etc? While I grew out of this stage, I know that there are many who don't, which is so sad. My next big stage I'll call the "pregnancy stage". When I was pregnant with Jacqui, I remember feeling very overwhelmed by my body. What was happening to it? It wasn't behaving like it had the previous 24 years of my life. I'd look in the mirror, and that person wasn't me. It couldn't be. It didn't look like me. Upon delivery, the feelings changed only slightly. Someone was dependent upon my body for survival. I had to do things to ensure my body provided nourishment for Jacqui's body. The alien body I'd had while pregnant had changed again, but not back to it's original form. To a new, unrecognizable one. I began to feel the loss of identity that so many women feel upon giving birth. Slowly I began to find myself again and eventually become comfortable in my own skin. From that point until now, I feel like I have gained a new appreciation for my body. I now know that I have a perfect body. Not a celestial, perfected body, and certainly not a "socially perfect" body, but a perfectly functioning body (although I do wear contact lenses..). My body does what it is supposed to do, with only minimal complaining. My mind is healthy, and I am happy. My body recovers when it gets injured or ill. I have the ability to learn and remember. I am perhaps the most comfortable in my body that I have ever been since childhood (or at least I will be once I physically recover from this pregnancy... the itching is making me crazy).
I know there will come a time when I will leave this Earth, and pass on into the next. At some point, I know that my physical body will be perfected. I feel this will happen for my baby too (her name is Charlotte, by the way). I don't know what that process will be like, but I hope I can watch it happen. I'm sure it will be fascinating, or at the very least, amazing.
P.S. The article "The Magnificence of Man" is the one I referenced for the quote by Elder Russell M. Nelson. It is a great read, if you have the time or interest.
A little over a month and a half ago, our doctor told us that our baby has a disease called arthrogryposis. (At least I'm calling it a disease....technically it's not called a "condition" because it is actually the result of a "condition". Though we may never know what that "condition" actually is.) Arthrogryposis means something to the effect of "multiple contracted joints". Without getting too technical, our baby is unable to move. While there are people who do survive with this disease, we were told that our baby's problems were so severe that the problem would likely be fatal. There were a few key things that we were told we would be looking for in follow up ultrasounds, specifically lung development. Last week we found out that her lungs had not continued to develop and in addition to that, she'd developed severe fetal hydrops (water retention) throughout her entire body, including the chambers that contain her lungs and heart. Basically, she is in the early stages of heart failure, with no chance of survival. I am currently going in for weekly fetal heart monitoring, and when we can no longer find a heart beat, I'll go in to the hospital for induced labor and delivery of our stillborn baby. Our doctor feels this process could begin any day, and will most likely not take longer than a month.
Throughout my pregnancy, our baby has maintained a strong heartbeat. While this is not usually thought of as amazing or remarkable, now that I know the condition her body is in, I am awed. Her entire body is failing around her and the only thing keeping her alive is her heart. Now her body has begun to take over and will eventually cause her heart to shut down. The heart is so amazing. Here is what Elder Russell M. Nelson, who as you may know was a gifted heart surgeon, says on the subject,
"A large portion of my life’s study and research has been focused on the jewel of the human heart—a pump so magnificent that its power is almost beyond our comprehension. To control the direction of flow of blood within it, there are four important valves, pliable as a parachute and delicate as a dainty silk scarf. They open and close over 100,000 times a day—over 36 million times a year. Yet, unless altered by disease, they are so rugged that they can stand this kind of wear seemingly indefinitely. No man-made material developed thus far can be flexed so frequently and for so long without breaking.
Each day the heart pumps enough fluid to fill a 2,000-gallon tank. The work it performs daily is equivalent to lifting a 150-pound man to the top of the Empire State Building, while consuming less energy than that used by a small light bulb. At the crest of the heart is an electrical generator that transmits energy down special lines, causing myriads of muscle fibers to beat in coordination and in rhythm. This synchrony would be the envy of any orchestra’s conductor. All this power is condensed in the human heart—only about the size of one’s fist, yet energized from within by an endowment from on high."
While everything he says is interesting, it is the last part that catches my attention....."yet energized from within by an endowment from on high." As I've marveled at our baby's beating heart, I've thought about this.... That it is literally her creator that is keeping her heart pumping. It was able to pump long enough and hard enough to develop her body sufficiently enough to help her pass on from this life into the next. This is amazing to me.I've also been thinking about my own body. I've thought about the different stages I've (and probably many of us) have gone through as relating to my personal feelings about my body.
As a child, I thought only of my body when it was in pain-- scrapes, bumps, hunger, growth, sickness etc. My body did what it was supposed to, so there was no reason to think about it at any other time. As I moved into my teenage years, like most of us I began to resent my body. Why wasn't it better? Why wasn't it taller, thinner, prettier, etc? While I grew out of this stage, I know that there are many who don't, which is so sad. My next big stage I'll call the "pregnancy stage". When I was pregnant with Jacqui, I remember feeling very overwhelmed by my body. What was happening to it? It wasn't behaving like it had the previous 24 years of my life. I'd look in the mirror, and that person wasn't me. It couldn't be. It didn't look like me. Upon delivery, the feelings changed only slightly. Someone was dependent upon my body for survival. I had to do things to ensure my body provided nourishment for Jacqui's body. The alien body I'd had while pregnant had changed again, but not back to it's original form. To a new, unrecognizable one. I began to feel the loss of identity that so many women feel upon giving birth. Slowly I began to find myself again and eventually become comfortable in my own skin. From that point until now, I feel like I have gained a new appreciation for my body. I now know that I have a perfect body. Not a celestial, perfected body, and certainly not a "socially perfect" body, but a perfectly functioning body (although I do wear contact lenses..). My body does what it is supposed to do, with only minimal complaining. My mind is healthy, and I am happy. My body recovers when it gets injured or ill. I have the ability to learn and remember. I am perhaps the most comfortable in my body that I have ever been since childhood (or at least I will be once I physically recover from this pregnancy... the itching is making me crazy).
I know there will come a time when I will leave this Earth, and pass on into the next. At some point, I know that my physical body will be perfected. I feel this will happen for my baby too (her name is Charlotte, by the way). I don't know what that process will be like, but I hope I can watch it happen. I'm sure it will be fascinating, or at the very least, amazing.
P.S. The article "The Magnificence of Man" is the one I referenced for the quote by Elder Russell M. Nelson. It is a great read, if you have the time or interest.
Comments
I am sad to hear about Charlotte. That is a very heart-wrenching experience. I hope your heart is healing.
Much love --- Hannah